Comments on: I Want You to Want Me

By: admin

admin — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 03:12:06 +0000

Hi, sparky! Waves in your direction. Yeah, the older I get, the more I realize that I don’t *hafta* do what other people want/expect me to do. And, Cheap Trick is a guilty pleasure of mine, so I was glad I could work them into a title.

By: sparky

sparky — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:08:27 +0000

ps: props for Cheap Trick (ha!) reference.

By: sparky

sparky — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:07:53 +0000

Yeah, the duplex thing has been suggested to me as something that would solve certain issues I have. The point is that once you *cough* get a little older you can see that you can construct pretty much any kind of relationship you want, provided you and your fellow constructor are clear about what you are up to.

By: Kat

Kat — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 19:22:00 +0000

Or a duplex!!!

By: admin

admin — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 16:46:58 +0000

Jamie, see, you held out for what would really work for you, though. Even though you knew what you wanted, you had the clarity to know it wasn’t with the ones who pursued you. It wasn’t enough, and you were smart enough to wait for someone who met most of your requirements–not just one.

Kat, yeah, that’s a book that needs to be written. I think, actually, what you and Jamie say dovetail with each other. It’s not about finding the ‘perfect’ match–it’s about finding who’s perfect for you, baggage and all.

I need to find the relationship that works for me–in two separate dwellings.

By: Kat

Kat — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 14:26:15 +0000

Although this may not sound romantic, I also still believe that the relationship book needs to be written about dysfunctions being able to match up. Try as we might, they never go away, so let’s work and live with them baby! For instance, part of the reason the husband and I have been together–lovingly–is I need to feel spoiled and he needs to feel over-appreciated; he has trouble making big decisions and I love to be in control; and so on… 15 years later and we could continue to dig into our childhoods, OR we could accept who we are ( as long as it does not hurt one another) and have our hearts skip a beat when we walk through the kitchen door after work.

By: Jamie

Jamie — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 13:33:23 +0000

Yes, what do we want from a relationship? The only advice one of my parents ever gave me was once when I was in college, my dad (who rarely, if ever, talked about personal things) said to me “don’t even think of getting married before you have your PhD and a good job. Be self-reliant. When a woman married before this; she has had it, she becomes dependent on the man, and her life is over.” I was more shocked than anything to hear him put life in these terms. Never ever thought that he thought like this.

And though I have always been someone who wanted and needed to be taken care of, I turned down several offers of marriage and/or moving in together. Mostly men who could take care of me financially, intellectually and sexually. But no matter how strong the draw, I always said no. There was always something that held me back.

Until JP. Even before becoming a couple, I knew. How? Why? Mystery. We are very different and very similar. We complement each other, make each other laugh, still thoroughly enjoy each other’s company. It has taken many years to “perfect” what we have, many years and a lot of work. But I know too that I wanted and needed a man who was extremely brilliant, creative, cooked and loved travel, was romantic and fun. We met, and that was it.

It may be an old, faded cliché, but how true “it comes when you least expect it and from somewhere where you aren’t looking for it.”