Ed. Note: I started this last night and couldn’t finish it. I realize that the more I unravel my past, the more uncomfortable I feel about discussing the ramifications. The legacy of my childhood: toxic secrecy. What happens in the house, stays in the house. I haven’t been to Taiwan in sixteen years. My brother,… Continue Reading
Monthly Archives: October 2009
For a Limited Time Only
Ed. Note: This is a continuation of the entry, How to Make the Perfect Sex Doll. It is not necessary to read that entry first, but it will help. Guys, are you sick and tired of bitches who talk back? Bitches who nag at you until you want to smack them across the face? You… Continue Reading
Flailing and Failing
I am failing. All the brave words I have written to this point ring hollow in my ears. It’s all just a bunch of shit that I believe for a brief minute before tossing it to the wayside again. I am falling. Into the abyss, the same one where I used to dwell. Every time… Continue Reading
How To Make the Perfect Sex Doll
1. You must start when she’s young. That way, she has no comparison, and she doesn’t know any better. “Open your mouth,” he said, gripping her by the shoulders. A girl of seven, she knelt between his legs. She was wearing a white flannel nightgown that stood out starkly in the darkness of the night…. Continue Reading
Melancholy Expressed
I have been wrapped in melancholy today. It’s not the weather because I enjoy cool, rainy, drizzly days. In fact, they warm my soul, as contradictory as that sounds. It’s partly political. I have been avoiding the story about the woman who worked for Halliburton/KBR and was gang-raped by her coworkers while they were… Continue Reading
The Sound of Sadness
I had my therapy appointment this morning. I was telling her about my sense of shame and disgust over my relationship in Thailand. She asked me why I felt shame, and I launched into a laundry list of reasons. I realized that what happened to me in my childhood and in Thailand shaped my future… Continue Reading
Don’t. Want. To.
I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to. I just had to get that out of the way. I don’t want to face my past. I don’t want to remember anything else from my forgotten years. I don’t want to discover to what extent I was molested. I just don’t. I… Continue Reading
Healing the Break
I’m not done with yesterday’s entry, surprise, surprise. I do find it funny that I was going to be brief and ended up writing my longest post ever. Still, when I posted it, I felt as if I still had more to say. I knew in general what my readers would say in response because… Continue Reading
Fight or Flight–or Neither
It’s commonly thought that when someone is in a dangerous or threatening situation, the person has two choices–fight or flight. I learned at an early age that there is another choice–disappear. I learned how to freeze my inner soul and then shrink it so it could fit in the corner of my mind. I learned… Continue Reading
Quick Housekeeping Note
I have been asked to provide an email address so readers can contact me directly rather than comment on these pages. To that end, I have changed my About page to my About Me/Contact Me page and added an email addy. It’s at the top, right above the categories.