Success. When I talk about marriage, kids, PhD, white-collar job, Christian, etc., I am parroting what I was taught. It is what she would see as success for me. But then she would start harassing me for not cooking dinner every night for my family (I don’t cook).

For me, I want none of it. Maybe some day the PhD, but I rather doubt it. My MA is useless enough as it is. My definition of success is much less concrete. Well, some of it is. And, I try to keep it process-oriented rather than goal-oriented. If I can get in a routine of submitting my fiction every month (ideally, every week), that would be a success to me. Having a job that enabled me to live on my own in my own place would be a success. Lots of hawt sex on a regular basis would be a success. Thinking I’m a viable and real human being and meaning it fifty percent of the time would be a success.

This is what I mean by my mother’s idea of me being self-sufficient is not the same as mine.

Kh, funny, isn’t it? I have had low blood pressure all my life as well as low cholesterol. I do eat veggies and fruits, too, but I am the fattest person in my family. Life certainly is strange sometimes.

Kel, no kidding, my twin. Even when I try to staple the veil back to my face, it keeps slipping. It’s not really a choice any longer. To go back to the lost years would be a death of the real me. And, frankly, I wouldn’t have the energy, the desire, or the wherewithal to try to revive her yet again. So, this is it. It’s do or die time for me.

I like your real person, too. She’s pretty kick ass.

It seems like you’re hitting that point, too. Your veil is sliding off, and while you’re in panic-mode that no one will want to be around that person, or find you desirable, the truth is that we like you even more. We’re choosing to walk the path with you, grateful for the real Minna’s presence in our lives.

I’m glad your veil is slipping away. And I like the person I see underneath. Now we just have to get YOU to like her too!

the world is a wierd fucking place.

Could you clarify something for me? When you describe “success”, you seem to describe your mother. She does have a PhD, a white collar job, she is married and does have kids. And she goes to church regularly to honor her most closely held beliefs. And while she´s there her husband treats it like a singles bar so he can humiliate her in front of God and all her friends by cheating on her, knowing that she will continue to be his doormat. His loyal tool, (or is that spelled with and F?), who will stand by him and choose him over even her own children.

My question is; Is that what success looks like to you? Is leading that life, in order to please that woman, what you really want to do? Because if it isn´t, you may have another decision to make. I wouldn´t be surprised if you already have.

If so, the heaviest lifting may well be behind you.

Regardless, you are on track. Keep it up!