In the meantime, the administration is shocked and aghast, but, hey, their hands are tied–so says Larry Summers.   These are contracts, and we can’t just break them.  Um, yeah we can.  Employers do it all the time.  It’s called renegotiation.  Basically, the employer says, “If you don’t accept this cut, we’ll fire you.”  Try it, Edward M. Liddy–you might be astonished at how successful you could be.  Please, though, do not trot out that tired old line about ‘having’ to give the money to retain the best and the brightest.  I demolished the validity of that mentality yesterday, and let me add, where the fuck are they going to go?  Who the fuck is going to want someone who killed the economy–wait, I shouldn’t ask that.  With the nifty little Ponzi scheme all you CEOs are running, someone will pick up the dregs because they have been pushed as the best and the brightest.

You know, I’ll do the damn job for a hundred thou a year.  I’m intelligent, quick to learn, good with numbers, and I’m fucking honest.  I have no interest in ripping off people and getting rich quickly, so maybe I wouldn’t be the best CEO ever.  However, I most likely would not have failed on such a spectacular level, and I definitely would not have had the balls to award myself and/or others bonuses after crashing the US economy.

But I digress.  Here’s the thing.  Yeah, I’m pissed and mad and all that good stuff, but am I shocked?  Hell, no.  Just as I wasn’t shocked after the two towers fell.   See, with the AIG folks, it’s that culture thing again.  I’m not explaining it one more time, so just read past posts if you want to understand.

Today, I am focusing on what I would like to do to the AIG execs as well as the execs of other ‘too big to fail’ companies.  I want to stress that this is totally an exercise in imagination born out of frustration with the idiots.  This is not to be taken at all seriously.

First, all the names of the people who receive bonuses are published on-line so we know who they are.  Their names are accompanied by pictures, so we can spot them on the streets.  Any time anybody spots one of them, she should run over and demand her money back.  Everywhere these leeches go, they should be hounded for money.  We can be like collection agencies, only more personal and in-your-face.

Another solution–they are told if they take the money they go to jail.  What, I need a reason?  No, I don’t.  I’m taking a leaf out of W.’s playbook.  We can call them enemy combatants and toss their asses in jail.   What?  Obama’s abolished the term?  I’ll come up with something else.  How about, “Supreme Leeches, Scumbags of the Earth”?  Look, these assholes are doing more to threaten the security of our nation than any so-called terrorists.  Surely we can ‘disappear’ them and no one outside of their family would give a damn.

It’s not legal, you say?  Tell that to W.!  Ok, ok.  How about this.  We tell them that they will have to pay a hundred percent tax on those bonuses, forcing them to go Galt on us.  Of course, they will have to whine about it because they are sooooo specially-talented, they should be able not to pay any taxes, but in the end, they will go Galt and leave the rest of us the fuck alone.

Actually, the hundred percent tax thing doesn’t sound like a bad idea.   President Obama?  Think you could make that a bill?

Next up.  We nationalize that fucking company already, or let it go bankrupt.  Either way, the contracts are null and void, and we can kick their asses to the curb.  I really would like to take these CEOs on a tour of the shanty towns that are popping up–Boehnertowns?  Cantortowns?–so they can see real destituition.  Or how about all the people who have been evicted from their homes?  I would make the CEOs volunteer at soup kitchens and homeless shelters every day for a month.

In the end, even though the administration and Congress are making a lot of noise, I fully expect nothing to happen.  Why?  Because that’s exactly what’s happened before.  I happen to think it’s because the ones in charge care more about businesses than they do about the people, though I dearly hope they prove me wrong.  Somehow, the beggars are the one driving this TARP ship, and we’re all just along for the ride–until they toss us overboard like the jetsam we are.  Buckle up, boys and girls!  Let’s see how else they can fleece us.

What dominates the news outside of the economic crisis?  Stories on the OctoPussy (octuplets’ mom), failed Ponzi schemes that accrued millions and billions for the schemers (ok, that’s within the purview of money, but not of the main economic crisis), banks too big to fail and their greedy CEOs (yeah, I know, so sue me), A-Rod admitting to steroids use before it was illegal in baseball, though it was still illegal in the States, a growing consensus that W.’s admin should be investigated for wrongdoings, though we all know that no one of any importance will be unduly discomfited by the process, and a few weeks ago, there was a story about a woman, a supposed women’s studies major, who auctioned off her virginity (through The Mustang Ranch in Nevada) for three million, claiming it was a feminist statement.

I am not linking to any of these because in this instance, you can do the dirty work on your own.  My point is this:  I strugggle to do what I think is right on a daily basis.  I donate when I can to causes I think are important; I hold the door open for people who are entering building right behind me; I am for universal health care and raising the minimum wage, and I think we would inhabit a far better world if we all looked out for each other a bit more than we do.  This is a gross simplification of my beliefs, but it will suffice for now.

In other words, I am a do-gooder at heart.  I am an incredibly acerbic and grumpy do-gooder, but I am a do-gooder.  I believe that it’s better to boost up a fellow human being than to trample her down beneath your feet.  In other words, when one succeeds, we all succeed.

However, current culture is severely testing my resolve in this belief.  It might be because I’ve been so sick, but I really have had it up to here with the shallowness of our society and of media. 

CEOs are complaining that if they don’t get bonuses, they will….what, stop doing the work they are paid to do?  Their culture is so entrenched with entitlement, they can’t see the forest for the trees.   They won’t take TARP money if salaries are capped?  They would rather let their banks fail than curb their own salaries, which actually probably can’t be paid at all if the banks fail?  What kind of twisted logic is that?

As for OctoPussy, I am outraged that she has set up a PayPal service to pay for her childbearing.  She embodies so much of what is wrong with society today.  I don’t doubt she has mental problems (indeed, they are pretty obvious), but she is also a mercenary woman who is pimping out her progeny for bucks.  She’s mad because her mother got paid for an interview?  Who has been supporting OctoPussy and her kids since day one?  That would be Mom.  I think Mom (or, Grandmom to the litter) is the only one who should be getting paid in this whole fiasco.  However, it says something about us as a society that the media gush over this reproduction machine like she’s something special.  If Oprah actually pays her two million dollars to be on her (Oprah’s) show, then we are all the fools for it.

Let’s not even mention Madoff and his gigantic Ponzi scheme.  It’s so wide-scaled, another guy with a fifty million dollar Ponzi scheme is called a Mini-Madoff.  Even if Madoff goes to jail, he will be out some day and have enough time to enjoy the billions he salted away.  Or, his wife will.  Or his kids. 

Damn!  And I even forgot for a brief moment, the ultimate grifter–Joe-the-whatever-the-fuck-he-isn’t-but-he-needs-to-go-away.  He is so unworthy of the attention he is being given, it actually chaps my hide!  Toss Sarah Palin in the mix and all the undeserved millions she probably will make off her name, and well, it’s enough to turn me to the dark side and renounce my do-gooder ways.

So.  In my sickness and despair, I have decided that I am going to plot my own get-rich scheme.  I know that I can’t go the semi-legit route of ballplayer (not male, tall, or athletic enough) or Hollywood star (too old, fat, and ethnic), ‘too big to fail’ CEO (not white or male), and I don’t want to rob a bank because someone may get hurt.  To that end, what can I do to pimp myself out and make beaucoup bucks?  Let’s think about it together.

I could become a highly-specialized call girl (Asian women are always in demand for this), but again, I am probably too old and fat.  I could do something about the latter, but not about the former.  It would be too much work, anyway.  The goal is to become as rich as possible in a nefarious a way as possible without anyone getting hurt. 

I could write a tell-all book about…no, that would hurt someone.  I could set up my own Ponzi scheme….no, that would also hurt someone.  I could sell my virginity….but that would be a lie.  I’m not very comfortable with lying.  I could start my own cult and fleece the members of all their worldly goods, but that would be a lot of trouble and it would hurt people.

Damn.  There doesn’t seem to be a way to make obscene amounts of money without someone getting hurt in the process or without lying.  I guess I will have grapple with my distaste for our general culture in a different way because I can’t seem to join it–so I have to find a way to beat it.

Addendum:  I forgot to add the one truly good piece of news that dominated the media for a few weeks–Captain Sully landing the plane in the Hudson with ice in his veins.  I will gladly link to the tape of his exchange with tower control.

And,  I really have to agree with Eddie Izzard about the term ‘bird strike’.  It really is an engine  suck.

Ok.  What do I love today?  Um, water.  Yes.  Water to drink, that is, not to bathe in.  The latter hurts my skin.  Add that to the list of things hurting.  But to drink?  It’s manna.  No, not Minna, but manna.  I also love how throaty and sexy my voice is.  Too damn bad all I want to do is curl up in a ball and whimper.  I love my friends making me laugh and showing me concern on the Facebook.  That is all I love today.  Oh, and my kittehs.  I always love mah kittehs.

Ok.  I’ve been catching up with the trifecta of lefty reporting:  The Daily Show (with Jon Stewart, of course), Countdown with Keith Olbermann, and The Rachel Maddow Show.  Recently, Congress committee something of finance or something like that called the CEOs of banks onto the carpet and scolded them for giving out bonuses.  How did the big (white) boys take it?  Contritely.  Chastenedly.  Yes, I know it’s not a word.  I don’t care. 

“We know we did wrong.  We know the peons, er, populace is angry with us.  We know that we have been bad, bad, bad.  Forgive us; we have learned our lessons, and, oh, by the way, can we have more, please?”

That pretty much sums up the general crap spewed by said CEOs.  Oh, and:

“Yes, we raised credit cards rates after receiving TARP money.”  That was a biggie, too. 

People are outraged!  People are up in arms!  People are–oh hell.  I can’t even pretend to be upset by all the crookery (yes, another made-up word.  Deal with it) being perpetuated by the CEOs of banks.  In a word, duh!  Why would they stop?  There was no one to stop them.  Even now, a very namby-pamby salary cap deal in the stimulus bill seems to be DOA. 

The problem is that many members of Congress are beholden to the same banks they are now chastising.  The incestuous relationship between our congress and members of the corporate world (i.e., Wall Street) is so entrenched, I don’t know where one begins and the other ends.  How can I trust Congress to do the right thing, let alone CEOs of failing banks?

Let me ruminate on our esteemed congress for a bit.  How can I put this nicely?  Many of them are stupid.  I don’t mean that as a perjorative (although, of course, it is), but as a statement of fact.  When I listen to some of them talk, I am struck by the fact that they cannot put together a coherent sentence to save their lives.  They can only mouth the talking points on their sheets of paper, and if they are asked any questions, they end up looking flustered and dumb. 

In addition, several of them are emotionally stunted as well.  They don’t have the capacity to think of others or to see how their actions affect other people.  Come to think of it, that could describe the CEOs as well.  Back to Congress.  These are people we’ve elected, which means they purportedly work for us.  This means that they should represent us.  They should be the best and the brightest, not to mention shrewd problem-solvers who can think on several levels.

Unfortunately, all too often, the person who wins is either more charming, a better talker, has more money, or is a product of his (yes, I use his deliberately) environment.  It’s no coincidence that most of the Republicans left are really, really, really conservative and mostly religious.  They only dominate five states!  The rest are blue or pink or purple or lilac or whatever ridiculous color we can assign to a state.  Not coincidentally, these Republican hold-out states are southern-leaning.

Back to my point.  Many of Congress are simply not smart enough to get us out of the mess we are in.  They are too concerned with getting re-elected, and not concerned enough with how millions of Americans are suffering.  They cannot view the crisis we are in outside their narrow lens.  In return, there is nothing I can do to fix that.  To that end, I have vowed to cut down on my politics consumption.  It only frustrates me, and there is little I can do.  I skipped most of the grandstanding in the Senate over the stimulus bill, and it’s going to pass pretty much as President Obama wanted it.  Why give myself the heartache when things are conscripted to end a certain way?

So.  I am going to limit my blog reading to www.washingtonmonthly.com, www.eschatonblog.com, and www.themudflats.net on a daily basis.  I will visit the others from time to time, but not every day.  I mean, I love politics, but I have to draw the line somewhere, for my own society.  In this case, Meatloaf sings it perfectly in his song, I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That).  I leave you with his video.

Here is the link on UK Timesonline.  If she does get the money, there needs to be somebody making sure that the KIDS get it and not her.  I don’t think she should get jackshit, but then the kids will be the ones to suffer for it.

You know what really chaps my ass?  Well, pretty much everything, but in this case, it’s the grief I got when I decided I didn’t want children.  I was in my early twenties, and I just knew I didn’t want them.  Reactions ranged from condescension (‘Oh, you’re still young–you’ll change your mind’) to anger (‘So I guess you think I’m bad for wanting kids, then!’).   Yet, as I have stated before, my child-free status hurts no one (except for my mother.  She’s still hoping). 

On to love!  Today’s video is Erasure’s Love to Hate You, and it’s live.  So crank it up as I tell you what I love today.

So, what do I love today?  I love when a story idea comes to my brain fully formed.  I love walking around with the story unfolding, every scene as vivid as if it were is a movie.   I love the anticipation of a great story (because all my best stories come to me intact), and I love not having to actually think it up.  Then, when the whole story presents itself to my brain, I sit down at my computer and write for three days straight.  At the end, I have a beautiful story that needs very little editing.  I love that.

Now, on to the topic of the day:  corporate greed. 

First of all, why is everyone so shocked and appalled at how the CEOs of the bailed-out companies are acting?  By the way, I called them ‘failed-out’ companies today–a true Freudian slip.  Anyway, the sense of entitlement is entrenched in the corporate CEO culture, and a little thing like bankruptcy isn’t going to change that. 

Look, all the CEOs of the major corporations sit on each other’s boards.  The boards are the ones who set the salary compensation for the CEOs.  It doesn’t take a genius to see that it’s one big clusterfuck to obscene amounts of wealth.  If you listen to them talk, they say that they can’t possibly accept less than tewnty-five million a year because it would be disrespecting them. 

No, wait, it’s athletes that say crap like that, but CEOs have similar views.  The shining example is John Thaine, former chief of Merrill Lynch & Co.  This guy could be the poster boy of how NOT to act while driving your company into the ground.   First, he said he deserved an EXTRA ten million dollars last year as his year-end bonus because he prevented his company for collapsing any further.  He doesn’t give any proof to his assertion, mind you, but why should we be deterred by the facts?  After the ensuing outcry of rage, he backpedaled, claiming he never asked for the bonus.

Then, it was revealed that John Thain rushed out up to $4 million in bonuses before the end of the year and before Bank of America took over.  There is some debate as to whether Bank of America knew or not.  Not surprisingly, Thain says it did, and BoA  says it didn’t.  Thain then later justifies the bonuses with the ridiculous assertion that the best people would leave the company if they didn’t get said bonuses because their salary was really very little.

Putting aside the last dubious statement, there is something inherently wrong with this guy.  BoA wanted twenty million from us, that’s right, from you and me, to cover its losses while acquiring Merrill Lynch, and this jackass wants us to believe that his people did such a stellar job, they deserved four million free and clear?

The straw that broke the proverbial back, however, was the news that Thain spent $1.2 million redecorating his office.   When confronted with this particularly distasteful tidbit (he was subpoenaed), he said he should have paid for it himself given the world we live in right now and that he was gonna pay it back, honest. 

WHAT.THE.FUCK?????? 

In no world should anyone pay that much money to redecorate a fucking office!  It doesn’t matter if it was him paying or Merrill Lynch–well, yes, it actually does.  However, that isn’t the point I want to make, so I am going to ignore it for now.  Anyway, the fact that he thought it necessary to redecorate his office and to spend that much money on it tells you all you need to know about the world he and others of his ilk inhabit.  By the way, the last link lists four other stupid things on Wall Street that day.  Make sure to check out the whole list.  By now, everyone knows about the $87,000 Thain paid for an area rug, but the one that really boggled my mind is that he paid the celebrity decorator, Michael Smith (I’m assuming not Michael W. Smith), $800,000–eight times the amount the Obamas paid him to redo the White House.  It’s also, incidentally, twice the president’s yearly salary.

Now, I’m not calling out Thain just to pick on him–well, yes I am.  He offends me so greatly, I had to give him a verbal tongue-lashing.  This is the mindset that needs to be drubbed out of existence.

President Obama (I still get chills writing that) is setting an executive salary cap limit of $500,000 for any institution begging for more of OUR money.  There are enough loopholes in this provision that it’s going to make little difference, but still, the corporate shills are already making noise about how this is going to put a chill on the corporate environment.  It’s been called a Draconian measure.

Let me state this in one-syllable words:  Fuck you. 

 The weekly median American wage for the fourth quarter of 2008 was $728 (the page is in HTML form).  There are differences between union and non-union, of course.  Also, between women and men, and among different ethnic types.  Here is a comprehensive table from the same site.  I did some lazy calculations, and that means the median yearly wage is roughly $38,000.  It would take that mythical median-income earner thirteen years to make $500,000, and yet, the median-wage earners do manage to stay alive somehow.

I am a socialist capitalist, so I don’t know what the solution is.  I don’t think anyone is worth more than, say, a million a year (and I’m being generous).   I think our society is hurt in general when one percent of the country has around ninety percent of the wealth.   The sickening part is that they will keep getting more unless the general populace rises up in rage and shouts, “Enough, you greedy, fat bastards!”  Remember, there are way more of us than there are of them, so let’s come together and make our outrage heard.