#1 (OK, this is the second paragraph.  I lied.  Deal).  My mom’s magnum opus went through the process at a very fast-pace and is now accepted to be published.   Why am I patting myself on the back for this?  Because I worked my ass off on it, and that shit looked good.  I had an interactive (or whatever it’s called) table of contents (if I updated the chapters, I could automatically update the TOC, too) and everything.  I mean, damn.  That was some of my best editing work ever.  I really hit the ball out of the park with this one.  Yes, a second round of edits is coming up, and yes, I made a few mistakes, but overall, I did a kick-ass job.  Pat, pat, pat.

#2.  In the last three weeks, I have lost an inch-and-a-half around my waist, which translates to 7.5 pounds.  This is exactly how much I lose each week whenever I start losing weight.  I had forgotten how…not easy…steady the loss is in the beginning.  I won’t say easy because it’s been damn hard work.  Still.  It’s been a nice little boost to pull out the tape-measure (I don’t do scales) and see the steady loss.

Now that that is out of the way, I would like to say that once I am done with my mother’s magnum opus and a couple other things I am doing for her right now (including booking her flight to Colorado because apparently the interwebs is too tough for her, and no, Mom, I do not want to go with you to your conference), we will be setting some very clear delineations between what is my job and what isn’t.  When we started working on her magnum opus, we just said I would edit the thing.  That was it.  Oh, it also included re-typing her thesis because that was lost in the Great Hard Drive Crash of Aught…Something.  We only had hard copies, so re-type it I would.  That was part of the deal, and it was only seventy-some pages, so whatever.

Then, she had problems with the pics.  My brother took care of that.  He also did the tables.  I am not a whiz at the Excel, though I can use it if need be.  Then, it was layout.  The publishing company sent a PDF with all the things they required in their manuscripts.  OK.  Not exactly my purview (and I didn’t get it until after I started), but whatever.   Then, for some reason, we kept having problems with one chapter.  It was a chapter on her symbol paper (as a sandplay therapist, she had to write a paper on a symbol.  She chose the dragon), and I nearly ripped my hair out over that one.  When I do an edit, I name the paper Dragon Copy Whatever.  1, 2, 3, etc.   For some reason, my mom could not get it in her head that I was labeling them in chronological order.  She kept saying I hadn’t included her changes for the dragon symbol chapter.   I would look at the latest version and include whatever she sent.

The last straw was when two days before deadline, she complained about the section again and said I had gone backwards in the editing.  Well, that’s because she sent me an old copy.  So, I had undone the editing I had previously done, and then had to listen to her bitch about why the changes she had made weren’t in the section.  I yelled at her for that one because I had wasted many hours on that fucking chapter due to her stubbornness to really learn how to use computers.

The absolutely worst part, though, was that she was supposed to turn in the manuscript from Taiwan.  The publisher is in England.  She started whining about how difficult it was for her to print in Taiwan (she doesn’t have a car, but still.  Take the damn bus to the print shop), and it would be so much easier if I just sent it.  They needed two hard copies as well as two disks.  Don’t ask me why because I do not know.  Well, I do.  They didn’t want to print the copies, that’s why.  Anyway, I agreed to send the hard copies to the publisher, but I was disgruntled because it’s not that much easier for me to send it than it is for her (in fact, it turned out to be a nightmare, but that part was my own fault).  Then, again, two days before deadline, she wanted me to add another whole…how do I explain?  She administered tests to her clients.  They are called protocols.  She wanted to include one more set of protocols.  HELL NO.  I was already busting my ass to finish the damn book on time.  I was not going to add more protocols!

I did put my foot down to that.  We might be adding them now if the publishing company can find money for it.  Oh, then my mother wanted me to bring a hard copy with me to Taiwan.  The sucker was three-hundred pages.  No fucking way.  She could print it out her damn self.

The point to all this ranting is that because we did not have a clear contract, she kept pushing the boundaries of the definition of my job.   I went from simple copy editor to all-around Minna-of-all-trades.

The above example actually ties in nicely with the main point of this entry (thus, the slow reveal).  Awhile back, I wrote about how I’ve been trained to be the perfect sex doll.  I was taught that my needs, my desires, my wants weren’t important; my only function was to satisfy the needs of my partner.  Well, I have realized that I have been trained to also believe that I am not important in my family.  The real me, I mean.

I have written many times about muting my personality around my family until there is no me there.  The reason is because I feel as if I’m allowed into my family on sufferance.  I am tolerated as long as I am useful.  Therefore, my mom loves me because I do shit for her and because I give her emotional support.  My father loves me because…well, I don’t think he actually does love me.  However, he tolerates me because I’m his daughter and…I don’t rightly know.  He actually doesn’t really tolerate me as I only see him a few days a year, the vacation to Taiwan, notwithstanding.  As for my brother, he likes me because I listen to him and I allow him to unwind.  He can be more relaxed around me than he can be around his wife.  To be fair, I rely on him to be my tech support, so there is some mutual sufferance occurring.

In other words, I had to make myself useful to my family in order to feel as if I were acceptable.  There are so many things about me that they dislike or of which they disapprove.  In fact, I’d be hard-pressed to say something about the essence of me that anyone in my family really liked. Therefore, this separation thing really feels like I’m about to test the hypothesis that I’m expendable to my family if I don’t do what they want me to do.

Love on contingency.  This belief has permeated my other friendships.  I don’t call people because I don’t want to intrude.  For years, I have downplayed my depression and self-destructive behaviors because I didn’t want to worry anyone.  And, more to the point, I didn’t feel worthy of having anyone worry about me.  I tend to be very ‘up’ when I am around other people because again, I feel my worth is in how entertaining I can be.  And, let’s face it, I can be pretty damn entertaining.

My whole life, I have believed that my worth is wrapped up in what I do for others and not in who I am.  In my family, this may very well be true.  Outside of my family, it’s only true with people who aren’t really my friends.  My true friends are nonjudgmental, supportive, and love me for me.  I know this even if I don’t always feel it.   My family, not so much, and that’s why I’m having such a hard time with the idea of being my own person instead of who they want me to be.  Will I still be welcomed in the family if I start standing up for myself and being myself?  I simply do not know.

Today, I made the promise not to kill myself.  I realized that while I balk at making a blanket resolution to not kill myself at all, I am comfortable with mayhaps making the promise every day.  We shall see.

I have many things going on right now, so why do I feel as if I’m going nowhere, and fast?  As I mentioned yesterday, I have a new blogging gig.  In addition, I have my mom’s magnum opus to type (around 250 pages), and another editing job on the backburner.  In addition, I’m blogging every day.  I have tentatively stepped back into the realm of fiction, and I intend to get my fiction blog up and running sometime soon.

So, what’s the problem?  I am burnt out.  My emotional reservations are low, and I don’t know how to shore them up.  My sis-in-law is neurotic, controlling, and the unhappiest person I know.  Whenever I am around her, I am overwhelmed by the negative sensory input that I receive.

My mom and I went to my bro’s today to celebrate my nephew’s third birthday (and cake.  Cake IS NOT a lie).  I didn’t get the chance to snooze before we went, so I was already thin in the protective shield area.  If I am up and rested, I can shrug off my SIL’s constant sniping.  When I feel the way I did today, however, I just can’t deal with it.

It doesn’t help that it reminds me of being around my father when I was young.  His big weapon was his silent treatment.  He would sit in a recliner in stony silence, and the rest of us would have to tiptoe around him lest we sent him further into a tizzy.  I never knew what would set him off and what would finally snap him out of it.

It is the same with my SIL, and today, I just suddenly reached the point of “I’ve fucking had it up to here!”  That happened about two hours after arriving.  At that point, I shut down my emotions.  I flatlined.  I emptied myself out the best I could and went numb.  My mom and I planned on leaving before dinner, but my brother suggested we go out.  There was so much eagerness in his voice, we couldn’t say no.  After dinner, everyone but me decided it would be great to go for a walk outside as the area is basically a gated community with mini-golf, paddleboats, etc.  I kept falling further and further into myself.  I was crazy tired out of my mind because my niece refused to let me nap at the house.  She said it was bad manners to fall asleep at their house because I was there to entertain them.  No matter what I said, she wouldn’t let me sleep.

I hit bottom as we walked around the gated community (ok, there wasn’t an actual gate, but there might as well be).  I walked away from everyone else, and it was all I could do not to scream.  For a brief moment, I thought, “This isn’t fucking worth it.  Life isn’t worth it.”  Somewhere, deep inside of me, I was appalled at the thought.  Unfortunately, that spark of life was wrapped in layers and layers of cotton, and I only dimly felt it.

How did I reach that point where it took all my wherewithal to put one foot in front of the other?  If I were to be honest, it started before Mom and I even went to my bro’s.  My aura was very fragile at that point, and I didn’t want to go.  If it hadn’t been for the fact that it was my nephew’s birthday, I would have bailed.  I was already dead tired and feeling vulnerable.  There was no way my immune system could withstand an attack.

I get pissed off that I tamp down my personality so completely around my SIL.  She makes mountains out of every molehill, and it’s often easier just to nod and say nothing than to get into it with her, be it about Jesus (he was NOT born in December), manners (mine are pretty damn good, thank you very much), or just about anything else.   We all tiptoe around her because she can be so damn unpleasant (whether she has reason to be or not).

My mom asked what would happen if I got in my SIL’s face, and I was taken aback.  I thought it was likely that she would break down and cry because I don’t think she realizes how mean she sounds all the time.  It’s the tone of voice, not necessarily the words.  Such as, I was saying I got the last cone (for ice cream) at the buffet tonight.  In a haughty voice, she said, “Did you tell them?  It’s like when you’re a guest in someone’s home, and you use the last piece of toilet paper.”

First of all, I had told them earlier that they were out of cones, and the server said she would get someone on it.  When I went up for my ice cream, there was only two cones in the dispenser.  Second, it’s not my fucking job to inform them when they run out of something.  Third, I’m not her fucking child.  I mean, she shouldn’t even talk to her kids that way, but she especially has no authority over me.

There was a jazz band warming up, and my brother’s family went over and sat down.  I had reached my limit.  I told my mom I had to go.  I did.  My body was defenseless, as was my soul.  I finally got my mom to leave.  I drove home, and I was still numb.

I am angriest at myself, though, because I regress into my childlike state when I am in the midst of unrelenting negativity.  I can’t think; I can’t erect my defenses; I can’t bolster my waning emotional reserves; I am totally vulnerable and open to assault.

I need to learn that I am an adult now.  I am not that powerless, scared little girl who didn’t know how to deal with the angry, narcisstic, inappropriate boundaries man who was her father.  I have to find a way to realize that I can deal with my SIL even if she explodes at me.  My mom, who’s more optimistic than I am, even believes that it’ll wake my SIL up if I get in her face.  I don’t know about that, but in the end, it’s not really about her, anyway.  As usual, on this blog, it’s all about me.

Anyway, he was saying how, like Clinton, Palin was pilliored by the press because she’s a woman.  We have to remember, he admonished, that she was once a little girl.  She’s someone’s mother, daughter, etc.

Excuse me what the fuck?  Did he say the same thing when Sanford was getting ridiculed for his escapade on the Appalachian Trail?  ”Oh, be nice to the poor guy.  He used to be a little boy once.  He’s someone’s son and someone’s father.”  I would guess not.

I digress yet again!  Anyway, he went on to say that Clinton had been demonized.  Many commenters took him to task at his sexist tone and ‘there, there, little girl’ manner.  Some were women who mentioned that as feminists, they didn’t appreciate his trying to portray women as delicate flowers who need to be pillowed in soft, fluffy stuff so she won’t shatter.

I came along late as night (as I always do) and made a rather long post.  I started out by saying that as an Asian American woman, I had watched the primaries closely to see what kind of racism emerged and what kind of sexism emerged.  I posited that I thought there was more racism coming from Clinton’s team than there was sexism coming from Obama’s team.  In the end, I said, that’s why I went with Obama.

I went on to discuss other points of the media surrounding Palin, and none of it had to do with my race or gender.  In fact, I said much the same thing another commenter did at roughly the same time, and he thanked me for my perspective as an Asian American woman.  Imagine my surprise when I visited the thread the next day, and there was this woman (I think) asking when I went to college.  She said my post was grating and–something else.  I don’t remember.  Just because I was a woman of color, she informed me, and my victimhood in the past didn’t make my opinion any more valid.

She ranted further, but at that point, I was seeing red.  First of all, I am painfully aware that if I inject my race into a discussion (and I’m pretty sure it was my race that pissed her off.  Maybe not, but she didn’t call out the woman who talked about being women), then I run the risk of being told I’m playing the race card.  I was going to point out that I was just basically saying the same thing Sonia Sotomayor had said in her wise Latina remark, but I didn’t want to compare myself to her.  I’m not even half the woman she is.

I wrote back that during the primaries, media kept going on ad nauseam about whether women were voting for Clinton only because she’s a woman while also wondering if blacks were voting for Obama only because he’s black.  Race and gender were very much a part of the scenery, and no one addressed the question what those of us who are both female and of color would do.  I said my opinion isn’t more valid, but it’s an opinion that is different from the usual one.  I concluded by saying that if she that’s all she took from my post, then I wasn’t the one looking through a prejudiced lens.

It bothered me a great deal.  Not because I thought she was right in that context.  I didn’t.  It was pretty clear that I had touched a nerve in her and that she was lashing out.   Did it hurt and bother me?  Yeah.  Was I wrong in what I said?  I don’t think so.

No, what bothered me was, am I using my identity as a crutch?  Let me explain.  As many of you know, I use some variation of asiangrrl as my handle on various blogs.  I have been using it ever since I first got onto the intertoobz because I wanted to proclaim my identity upfront.  Being Asian and a being a woman is important to me.  My background does inform my personality and my being.  It’s just easier to have it out there.  I’ve gotten shit for it for a variety of reasons, but I have stuck to it throughout the years.

It’s served me well, but I’m wondering if I should change it.  Here’s why.  I’m afraid that I’m using my identity as a shield.  Let’s take the example of theatre.  I love it more than I love almost anything else in this world.  However, I haven’t gotten back into it since I moved back from the Bay Area to MN. I am a fat, middle-aged Asian woman.  There are no roles for me.

That’s my mindset.  Now, it’s true that there aren’t a plethora of roles for someone who looks like me.  Indeed, even in my youth, I often got cast in the matronly role because of my sturdy frame (I wasn’t fat at the time).  I once played the mother of a woman who in real life was twelve years older than I.  The sad thing is, I looked like I could be her mother.   So it’s fair to say that roles for someone who looks like me are limited.  However, that doesn’t mean there aren’t any roles for me.  In addition, by unilaterally dismissing the issue like that, I don’t have to even audition and risk failing utterly.

One more example–politics.  I have wanted to run for awhile.  However, I’m a bi, agnostic, Asian American woman who isn’t married and who doesn’t have children.  There is no way I would get elected, right?  Probably.  It’s true that I would be a hard sell as a candidate, but who knows if I’m definitively un-electable?  Who can say that for sure if I don’t actually run?

So.  This has been what I’ve been chewing on for the past few days.  I have been aware of my Identity (yes, capital I) for many years.  It has shaped me and how I’ve been received in the world.  What I need to do now is to realize that yes, there are all these existing isms in the world that might make it more difficult for me to accomplish what I want to do, but that shouldn’t stop me from at least trying.  I can’t control what others think of me or act towards me, but I can certainly control what I think of myself and what I do in the world.

First of all, I am not a lawyer.  I don’t play one on TV, and I don’t purport to understand all the complexities of our legal system.  I wanted to get that out of the way because I want my not-so-gentle readers to be clear that what I am about to say may have no legal standing.  OK?  OK.  

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, it’s time for me to weigh in on the Supreme Court of California upholding Prop H8, which bans same-sex marriages.  If you want nuanced discussions on the legal aspects of the ruling, you’ll have to find another blog.  All I can offer is my own perspective.

Shall I remind you of what my own perspective is?  I am bi.  I am also not supportive of marriage in general because I think it’s unfair for married couples to get benefits (automatic health insurance and cheap hotel rooms) that singles don’t receive.   In fact, I wonder if some of the rightwing belligerence on the point of SSM is because of the fact that they don’t want gays to get the same easy access to healthcare that they do.  Yes, that’s somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but still.  

OK.  So, I am a bi who doesn’t give a shit about marriage.  I don’t intend to marry anyone, so I have no personal dog in this fight.  However, as I have said in other contexts, I am for equal treatment and equal rights across the board.  Therefore, if straights can get married (and divorced and married and divorced), and our government grants rights with that privilege (hospital visitation rights, inheritance rights, and the aforementioned healthcare rights), then queers should have the same accessibility to the institution of marriage.

Despite what the rightwingers say, “one man and one woman” is NOT the way marriage has been since the beginning of time.  In fact, in their very own book of truth, many of the men in the old testaments had several wives, concubines, and raped their slaves as well.   Seriously.  In addition, if you were to believe that Adam and Eve were the first two people, then aren’t we all the products of incest?  Plus, they must have copulated like crazy in order to populate the Earth so quickly.

In addition, the whole love-marriage thing is fairly new.  In the olden days and in many cultures, marriage was a deal between a man and the woman’s family.  Man pays woman’s family so much money, and he gets to wed the woman and take her away from her family.  So, really, that argument (the tradition argument) is inane, too.

But, even though I could go on and on about how stupid the opposition to SSM is (gays ruin the sanctity of marriage?  Really, Newt?  Really, Rudy?  Really, Rush?), I want to focus on the California ruling.  Some prominient gay activists (yeah, I’m looking at you, Sully) say that the ruling was correct.  People in CA voted for this, so it should be upheld.

To which I say, bullshit.  If all it takes for a constitution to be amended is 50% of the population + one more person, then that’s mob rules–not democracy.  Queer activists are saying we have to get the proposition put back on the ballot in the next election so it can be voted down.  Then what?  The rightwingers put it back on the ballot the next year in hopes to get it passed again?  That is no way to live–from ballot to ballot.

I hate the idea comparing race and sexuality, but in this case, it’s appropriate.  Can you imagine what would happen if the idea of interracial marriages was put to a vote?  I can think of some states in which a ban against interracial marriages would pass with flying colors.  No one in his or her right mind thinks we (the general mass) should get to vote on whether someone should be able to marry outside of that person’s ethnicity, yet, when it comes to sexuality, suddenly, it’s a popularity contest.

So.  If I think people of different faiths should not be allowed to get married and I can get enough people to back me on it, should I be allowed to propose that this should be mandated?  I mean, one chooses one religion (more or less), so it should be less of a right than should be one’s sexuality.  So.  Jews can only marry Jews.  Baptists can only marry Baptists.  Oh, and no converting.  If you want your religion to be a protected state, then you can’t switch out of it.  

By the way, can I say how pissed I am that the California Supreme Court ruled it was illegal to discriminate againsts gays by not allowing them to marry?  That’s what got the rightwingers’ panties in a bunch in the first place.  Now, the same SC says the Californian people have the right to amend their constitution–even if it means to discriminate against the very people whom the SC said California could not discriminate against.  In addition, queers are a protected class in California, which means, supposedly, that they are supposed to be safe against, what is that word?  Oh, yeah, discrimination.

The only silver lining in this whole debacle is that the 18,000 gay couples who married before the people of California voted to put hate and bigotry in their constitution will not be suddenly un-married.  Which means they automatically become this weird class of their own–the exempted gays.  Some people are speculating that the courts left them married to make the stupidity that is Prop H8 even more apparent.  I don’t think that’s true.  I do know that the rightwingers are going to go after those 18,000 couples, believe you, me.

So in short, fuck you, California.  Congratulations.  You are now officially less progressive on queer rights issues than fucking Iowa.  I am hoping that all the queer couples in CA who now can’t get married will move to New England and spend their queer money on the East Coast, rather than in California.  

I never thought I would have to add California to my states of “no way in hell will I live in this state”, but between their idiotic budget debacle and this, they are state non grata to me.  Heck of a job, California.  Heck of a job.

I am Asian!  Give me back my tea, you scumbags!  Besides, the original BOSTON (not American) Tea Party was in protest of the British taxing the colonists when the colonists had no representation in the Parliament.  In other words, taxation without representation.  In the current invocation of Tea Parties, however, they Teabaggers are protesting, well, um, I’m not exactly sure what they are protesting.

President Obama’s higher tax rates!  Except, he cut taxes for 95% of Americans.  In addition, he did not raise taxes on the other 5%, he merely let the Bush taxcuts expire.  Now, that particular tax rate is the same as it was under Clinton.  In addition, it is 10% lower than it was under that great Communist leader, Ronald Reagan.  So, we can dismiss higher tax rates as a legitimate concern.

President Obama is bailing out the banks with OUR money!  Except, the bailout was passed under the LAST president.  Obama has nothing to do with the current bailout.  

President Obama is ripping off our children and grandchildren!  Except, the massive deficit/debt/negative money flow started under Bush (the Younger).  It skyrocketed when Bush decided to invade Iraq to protect our oil interests.  However, he never put the military spending of the two wars into the yearly budget, so now, it looks as if Obama is spending way more than Bush (and yes, ‘way more’ is a technical term) because Obama included the monies spent in Iraq and Afghanistan as part of the budget.

Am I worried about our deficit?  Hell, yeah.  It’s not comfortable seeing a number in the trillions and knowing that it’s only going to climb.  However, it is more than a little disingenious for the Teabaggers to be protesting the deficit now when none of them did so under Bush.  Worse, the left was basically told to support the president or shut the fuck up.  It was considered almost treasonous to disagree with Bush, and yet, today, we have the governor of Texas talking about secession.  Seriously.  The governor of Texas advocates for secession.  No, no, he doesn’t.  His people might, but he doesn’t.  But he’s going to keep mentioning it.    He was against the stimulus.  Until it became excruciatingly clear how idiotic that was.  Then he was for it, but only if he could use it to pay for things that would have had to have been paid for, anyway.  WTF?   Then, he evokes the Tenth Amendment because he believes the federal government has overstepped its boundaries.  Oh, but he just asked the feds for troops to patrol the border.  

Washington Monthly helpfully points out another blogger who explains that the Teabaggers are protesting an indeterminate tax hike some time in the indeterminate future.   Read the section entitled, “With an Eye on the Future”.  This, too, is a bunch of bollocks.

May I politely speak to the Teabaggers for a moment?  Dudes, you lost.  What we have now is taxation WITH representation, and most of you likely benefit from the new tax brackets.  Did you pay less taxes this year than last?  Did you get a refund?  Did you get your stimulus money?  If so, then I suggest you STFU or return the money.  What a bunch of fucking hypocrites.  Y’all stood by and watch Bush decimate the laws and the economy of this country.  He sank us so far into debt, I am not sure we will be out of it by the time I die.  

In addition, it would behoove you to actually have a message other than you hate Obama and black people and brown people and yellow people and the gayz and the feminazis and anyone else who doesn’t agree with you.  You have to get used to the fact that your leaders betrayed you and that you are no longer in the majority with your way of thinking.  

For god’s sake, people!  Obama has been in office for three months, and you’re already losing it.  What a bunch of wusses you are.  I lived for eight fucking years under that asswipe Bush, and that even bigger asswipe Cheney, and I didn’t get to this point until well into the second ter–no, I take that back.  I was never as crazed and incoherent as you.  

Let me tell you a little personal story.  My dad is a fierce believer in an independent Taiwan. After moving to MN to obtain his Ph.D. in economics, he really threw himself into the movement.  I remember marching the streets of Minneapolis when I was a kid, holding up signs proclaiming independence for Taiwan.  My dad was interviewed, and I remember seeing him on the teevee.  

As a result, he was blacklisted from Taiwan for over twenty years.  If he had returned, he would have been thrown into jail or killed in an ‘accident’.  He missed the funerals of both his parents because he couldn’t go back.  

Once he was allowed to return, he threw himself into the independence movement there.  He helped found the Democratic Progressive Party, and eight years ago, they elected a DPP president for the first time ever.  Unfortunately, he was a bad president, and the KMT (think GOP on steroids) reclaimed the presidency (and most of the congress) this past year.  They started throwing all the DPP leaders in jail for doing things (yes, bad things) that they themselves do ten times worse.  Sound familiar?

So.  Did my dad whine about how unfair it was after the election?  No.  Did he complain that his lifetime of work had gone down the drain?  No.  He sucked it up and moved on.  Most likely, Taiwan will be absorbed by China, maybe in his lifetime.  It must be incredibly painful to him to have to deal with all this, but he acknowledges that the KMT was democratically elected by the people.  Why?  Beause he’s a fucking patriot, man–the real kind.  

So, Teabaggers, STFU and do something productive to effect the changes you want.  And, drink some tea while you’re at it.  Chamomille.  Maybe it’ll calm you the fuck down.

In honor of Governor Perry, here is a parody of the NOM’s anti-gay marriage ad, “Gathering Storm”.  

Addendum:  I forgot to add that the Ron Paulites are miffed because apparently, they started the whole tea party thing (in protest of taxes), and they hate that it’s been co-opted by the right cabal in order to promote its (the right cabal’s) political talking points.  So, the Teabaggers are baggin’ each other.